Archive for December, 2001

New Years Eve. Probably the

New Years Eve. Probably the most overhyped time of the year. I have decided to stay at home tonight but have invited a few people to my GMT/NYE. This stands for Greenwich Mean Time New Years Eve. I haven’t done this before and am hoping to attract the ‘true believers’, that is, true internationalists who think that the measurement of time in this world is performed incorrectly and that we should all be working as a collective by having the same time on all timepieces, worldwide. Yeah! This means that here in Melbourne the GMT/NYE party won’t actually celebrate the NCY (New Calender Year) until 11am January the 1st, local time.

Yes, I can hear you all from here. I have definately lost the plot. At least it’s a good excuse for a BBQ.

Resolutions schmezolutions. To be honest I do have one resolution - to abandon medium pace, swing bowling for leg spin. A very personal resolution. Try not to spread it around thank you.

The CIA World Factbook. Make sure to read the ‘transnational issues’ section at the end of each country’s entry.

Have you ever wondered if others in your office ever stop to analyse your desk. Here’s one person who has taken the time to analyse his own.

A ‘tough’ new law is proposed by the Victorian (an apt description of the era that they appear to be stuck in) opposition Liberal Party. Any young person caught creating ‘graffiti’ will have their eligibility for a driving licence delayed. Good idea guys. Keep the offenders riding public transport and ‘tagging’ trains and railway sidings. A better thought would be to give offenders a small grant to put them through a TAFE graphic design course. It worked for somebody I know.

Another weekend draws to an

Another weekend draws to an end. Most of the population seems to have the next week or so off…not me though. No rest for the wicked. Besides, I prefer my breaks in winter. That way I can head north for warmer weather without encountering hoards of bankers, brokers and lawyers on the main beach at Noosa.

Many bloggers are talking about their crappiest Christmas presents. I think this one takes the cake. An omlette maker? I have two omlette makers attached to the ends of my arms. I dunno, we humans are getting lazier.

I won’t get lazier because I refuse to catch public (private) transport in Melbourne. Bicycles are much more fun. The sale of Melbourne’s transport network and infrastructure will have the same result as the UK experience, within a decade. You must read this article from the Guardian. Privatisation of utilities and public transport just doesn’t work.

New linkage added to the

New linkage added to the sidebar.DNO

Fiona’s car was found (see last entry) in Blackburn, about 15kms away. Undamaged, nothing taken and in perfect working order. She’s not too happy about it now. The insurance company has impounded it and her dream of buying a new scooter with the payout has been dashed. Life just ain’t fair sometimes. At least she’ll have wheels again soon.

This afternoon I jumped on the train and travelled for 4 minutes to the MCG, just after the tea break in the Australia vs South Africa test match. I didn’t get to see much. The Aussies wrapped it up quickly in the last session of the day. Just in case anybody wonders, after 3.45pm anyone can walk in ‘gratis’ to a test match. One of the joys of living so close to the MCG.

Why does nobody take me

Why does nobody take me seriously?

This afternoon I got home from a 10 hour day at work and noticed that my flatmate’s car wasn’t outside the front of the house, thus assuming she wasn’t home. I open the door to find Fiona (housemate has a name) doing a marvellous job on the hallway with a vacuum cleaner. I started a brief conversation like this…"I didn’t think you were home."

"Why?"

"Because your car isn’t out the front."

"Yeah it is, it’s outside the neighbour’s place."

"No it’s not."

"Stop pulling my leg you prick."

Flatmate (Fiona) walks outside, down the 5 concrete stairs, looks right, looks left, looks right again. There was absolutely no sign of a banana yellow 1977 Toyota Corolla. She walked back up the stairs with a confused look on her face, only to walk back down again and repeat her actions.

"Shit!", she exclaimed, "my car’s been nicked".

After the usual activities, which involved reporting the car stolen at Collingwood police station, I asked her why she thought I was kidding when I said that her car was not on the street. Fiona claims that I had a smirk on my face, "the same one that you always have".

Now I know why I’m not getting anywhere in life. Everyone thinks I’m joking. Here’s some recent phrases that I may have used to no avail because of my evil smirk.

Well, I missed out on

Well, I missed out on a white Christmas by one day.

This afternoon it hailed so heavily that the front footpath was an inch deep with the stuff. This is supposed to be summer? Can’t be arsed writing anymore today as my body is still in recovery mode from yesterday.

I do hope your Christmas

I do hope your Christmas Day has gone or will go well, depending on where you are reading this. As for moi, well, if I see another bottle of beer or one more morsel of food this evening I will be sick. The rain spoilt the day here in Melbourne but the showers did stay away for long enough to give our household a chance to BBQ some very tasty tucker.

Damnation! Another blog takes time

Damnation! Another blog takes time off for the Jesus festival. You might have already gathered that I am not a big fan of Christmas.

"For preventing disorders, arising in several places within this jurisdiction by reason of some still observing such festivals as were superstitiously kept in other communities, to the great dishonor of God and offense of others: it is therefore ordered by this court and the authority thereof that whosoever shall be found observing any such day as Christmas or the like, either by forbearing of labor, feasting, or any other way, upon any such account as aforesaid, every such person so offending shall pay for every such offence five shilling as a fine to the county."

From the records of the General Court,
Massachusetts Bay Colony
May 11, 1659

(via masstraveljournal.com)

Christmas was outlawed in the Boston region in 1659. The ban was lifted in 1681 but the festive season wasn’t celebrated with gusto until the mid 19th century. I intend enacting this legislation in my house from this evening onwards (although the five shilling fine might have to be raised inline with CPI figures for the past 442 years).

Every now and then I

Every now and then I think "Why the fuck am I writing this crap here?" I’ve noticed that every blogger asks this question of themselves at some stage. To get me over this feeling of uselessness I simply look at a few blogs like this and this and this. I feel better (Oh no, I’m becoming a blog snob).

Pornolize your favourite sites. It doesn’t do a particularly good job but at least it’s worth a couple of laughs.

Hmmm! The next time someone brags to you about their wonderful new car smell, point them in the direction of this finding. Some of the yuckier details are listed below. I knew there had to be an advantage in never owning a new car. Now I have an excuse when yet another smartarse says to me,"Mate, you’re still driving that shitheap?"

"…Air toxics being emitted inside new cars during the
CSIRO study and the effects they may cause include:
Benzene - a known human carcinogen for which an annual exposure goal
of 16 micrograms per cubic metre has been recommended in the UK
Acetone - a mucosal irritant
Cyclohexanone - a possible human carcinogen
Ethylbenzene - a systemic toxic agent
MIBK - a systemic toxic agent
n-Hexane - a neurotoxic agent
Styrene - a probable human carcinogen
Toluene - a central nervous system dysfunction agent
Xylene isomers - a foetal development toxic agent…"

Lastly, the stick insect. Most Australian people will have had contact with one of these magnificent creatures at some point in their lives. This evening whilst entertaining a dutch friend, a stick insect climbed onto my hair from a nearby bush (Don’t ask why my head was in a bush). When he saw the insect he screamed "OOoo, wandelende tak," which when translated directly into English means ‘Walking Branch.‘ Needless to say I spent a half hour on the floor laughing my guts out. I dunno- sometimes I find translations funny! A walking branch - there you go.

Do you have some time

Do you have some time to kill? Visit levitated and check out the Computational Species Collection (requires Flash).

Also some brainiac has developed a keyboard with a new layout. When you decide to buy it you will receive a free poster of a naked chick covering her breasts with a keyboard too. WOW! (via gammatron).

Greenpeace activists storm Australia’s only

Greenpeace activists storm Australia’s only nuclear reactor. He he he! I suppose Greenpeace is trying to draw attention to plans to build a new reactor at the Lucas Heights site. Nuclear power is old news. Some of the quotes oozing out of news sites are great.

"Mr McGauran says guards and police quickly had the situation under control.”We won’t be rushed into any change of security procedures, because we know we have very strong security,” he said. “It was really a decision by the guards at the time to make a risk assessment, and they decided these demonstrators, particularly given their large numbers, could not be stopped."

Also, whilst well paid fuckwits whine about not being able to get to their annual Noosa holiday this Christmas, have a look what Qantas pay their staff. (from labor.net.au)

"…a Qantas catering assistant gets paid $ 13.97 an hour - with the possibility of earning up to $14.95 an hour; · A Qantas aircraft cleaner is paid $13.53 an hour - with the possibility of moving up to earn $16.20 an hour;· The Qantas luggage carrier gets paid $13.84 an hour - with the possibility of moving up to earn $16.58 per hour;But the airport screener who works at the Qantas terminal, but is employed by an outside contractor, SNP, gets paid $13.04 per hour.The highest pay level attainable by a Qantas airport security worker, as a shift supervisor, is $14.22 an hour."

It’s great to see that the security and well being of the flying public is held in such high esteem. Remember, while you fly home for Christmas, the staff that get you there are being asked to take pay cuts. Mr. Howard’s Australia is not really Advancing Fairer, is it?.

Helen Demidenko has a new book out. (also via labor.net.au)

This blog won’t be taking time-out over Christmas to contemplate it’s navel either. Bah Humbug!

Good things come in small

Good things come in small packages. I have no idea why someone thought up that saying. It’s rarely ever true. When was the last time you received a small package in the mail and discovered it contains socks, undies and some new hankies. Yes, it’s that time of year (Note to any relatives reading this - no I am not ungrateful for your package of smalls). If indeed it is a fact that good things come in small packages, how do you explain brussell sprouts, Burger Rings and Winona Ryder. Poor Winona. At least she’ll start landing bad-ass movie roles now. It sure worked for Hugh Grant didn’t it!

Another weekend draws to a close. As is typical of most of my weekends I didn’t travel very far away from homebase. Playing in a winning cricket side for the first time in a month was the highlight as well as viewing ‘The Limey’ on Friday evening. If you need to see a good new release video/DVD, make sure you don’t walk past this film. Terance Stamp stamps his mark on another role. I was wondering why one of the chief characters (who plays a dead person for the entire length of the film) seemed so familiar. It was Melissa George of ‘Home and Away’ fame. On ya Mel! Acting dead for a whole film…beats drinking coffee and playing pool down at the surf club.

What site should you visit

What site should you visit if you need to find out where to seek stick men fighting in competitions. THIS WEBLOG OF COURSE. Referer logs never cease to amaze me.

NOVA 100 has appeared in Melbourne. It is he first commercail FM licence handed out in Melbourne for some 21 years. A big fanfare was made about it but they have lost me. The Breakfast show (Kate Langbroek, Dave Hughes, Dave O’Neil - all ex-RRR) was better 4 years ago on Triple R. Now they’re just all overrated, tired, worn out, media whores. Playing a top 40 number in between Nirvana and Chemical Brothers shits me as well. Don’t get me wrong, variety is the spice of life, but NOVA is crap. Yeah, I’m 30 in 10 months so maybe my age has something to do with it as well. As far as I’m concerned Melbourne is spoilt for good radio. RRR and PBS provide incredible variety, exposure to new acts and most importantly they support local musicians.

The clitoris is ickle. OK, I’ll take their word for it. Where is…..oh never mind.