Archive for February, 2003

KFC (Kuwait Field Chickens)

The humble fowl is being used as a high-tech chemical weapons detector in the upcoming war upon Iraq.

One morning, a group of soldiers awoke to find their chickens dead. The soldiers panicked, thinking they had been gassed and not yet felt the effects. Only after investigating more closely did they discover the chickens had frozen overnight when the temperature had plunged.

they won’t get my basilico

Pissed myself laughing at this site. There’s a few good animations to look at here.

On a more serious note, if you’ve lost a sock lately you will find it here. The world’s most comprehensive database of single socks.

And how could I not expose you to thecultofthecow?

Thanks Mum.

keep the dog alive

Grouse does it again! Dogs in cars. #35 is by far the best.

to know know know you

Here’s Saddam Hussein’s official webpage. http://www.uruklink.net/iraq/epage1.htm. I wish I could whack up a biography like his on my site. I do have something in common with Hussein though. We both despise “reactionary backward regimes.”

The Kurdistan Regional Government has it’s own website with heaps of information on their cause.

Oh, and let’s not forget the Assyrian Democratic Movement and The Supreme Council for Islamic Revolution in Iraq.

The only thing I can say is that I’m glad I don’t live in Iraq.

I can’t stand all the shit people are talking at the moment. Especially Tim Blarrggghhh on the subject of children/young adults expressing their opposition to an impending war. Could you imagine being his child? I have to say that I shudder at the thought him breeding. They’d all turn out like mini-John Laws’.

“Keep the dream alive my children.”

earworms

Here’s a piece that might not bring music to your ears (via my Mum - if you don’t like the link then I can always do a Shane Warne and blame my Mum).

Do you ever get a song lodged fairly and squarely inside your noggin? Do you end up singing it all day?…new research shows that people most frequently plagued by this phenomenon are those with slightly neurotic tendencies… I get around this by making up obscene lyrics to songs that become stuck in my head. I’m sure that my condition will be diagnosed soon.

lock up the chickens

What is Jenny Sinclair on? How much research does she put into her articles? Her weekly article “BlogOn” (an article inside a supplement in The Age) says that, “Rebecca blood is a blogger from a time before there were blogs…Her archives start in December 1999…”

I know of one fella who’ll take you to task on that. The mighty Graham. Blogging a full nine months before Blood thank you very much.

The Age is a pretty hopeless newspaper as far as online content goes. If an article is more than a few weeks old you are expected to pay $1.65+ to view it. Why the fuck would I do that when I can get the same news (usually reported better) at the ABC or the BBC for free? When you think about it I suppose it is inevitable that the internet will eventually become a pay-per-

moving the goalposts

Hey ladies! Do you want to find out how hard it is for us blokes to piss into a toilet bowl while drunk? “Yes,” I hear you scream. Click here for some flashy (or should I say slashy) goodness.

It’s just what every worker wants to hear isn’t it? Things like, “raising the preservation age for superannuation..” Finally a pollie (Costello) has realised that Australia’s (as well as every other ‘rich’ nation) population will be very old within 2 decades or so. At this stage Costello only mentions “new policies such as rewarding participation in the workforce, incentives for people to get off welfare and stepping up labour- market reforms” as ways to increase the amount of crusties in the workforce. As for labour market reforms, we all know that means lower/stagnant wages. In twenty years I’ll be 50 and wanting to retire. My bold prediction is that in 2050 legislation will be in place to keep me at work until the moment of death. If Mr. Costello really believes in the almighty “market forces,” older people will return to the workforce when the market has a place for them. Simple! Isn’t it?

train-go-sorry

I’ve received my latest copy of The Atlantic Monthly in the mail and was entertained by an article entitled “The Language Police,” by Diane Ravitch (March 2003 p82-83). There’s no link to the article online yet (I suppose that’s fair enough or else I wouldn’t be buying their magazine) but I will add the link next month when the article becomes available online.

“The Language Police” contains a list of banned words and stereotypes compliled from educational publishers and government agencies. Some of the banned words listed were -

• Boys’ night out - banned as sexist
• Fairy - banned because it suggests homosexuality; replace with “elf”
• Yacht - banned as elitist
• One-man band - banned as sexist; replace with “one-person performance”
• Turning a deaf ear - banned as handicapism.

I thought the days of PC were well and truly gone but apparently I’m wrong. Here are some stereotyped images that are supposed to be avoided in text and illustrations.

Other no-nos

• Women portrayed as teachers, mothers, nurses, and/or secretaries
• Men playing sports or working with tools
• Boys as intelligent, logical, mechanical
• Pioneer woman riding in covered wagon while man walks
• People of colour being angry
• Native Americans with braids, long hair and headbands
• Mexicans grinding corn
• Older people fishing, baking, knitting, whittling, rocking in chairs, or watching television
• African-Americans who are baggage handlers

workin’ for the man

I was doing some of my daily reading and stumbled upon a good article about the first death row prisoner in the US to be freed after DNA evidence cleared him, almost 10 years ago. It’s well worth a read.

stick ‘em on your face

Shane Warne has been given a 12 month ban from all cricket. Honestly, the man will stick anything in his mouth! Pizza, beer, cigarettes, diuretics… Warne said, “It had nothing to do with cricket or trying to mask anything, it had to do with appearance.” Well, even if you had got off the doping charges Mr. Warne, I’d have given you a 12 month holiday for your vanity.

That’s all for today. I’m absolutely stuffed and am having a hard time typing this because yesterday I ended up wicketkeeping in a one day game at my cricket club. For anyone who cares, stopping 2 or 3 deliveries per over for 40 overs (do your own maths) takes it’s toll on the fingers. Ouch! It’s been 15 years since I last kept, and although I did well (only let through 12 byes) I have no intention of doing the deed again for another 15 years.

shake djibouti

Bugger! I slept all evening after a busy day and now I’ll be up for hours, wide awake. Being 1230am there’s stuff all on the tele, even though I have 50 channels to choose from. I’ll just post something mediocre here shall I?

I just watched a report on BBC World of another club disaster in the US. This time some ageing glam rockers let fireworks off during a show and burnt the joint down, killing at least 39 people. This comes hot on the heels of a stampede at a club in Chicago where it’s thought that pepper spray scared the punters causing them to run to the only open exit. I’ve often wondered about some of the clubs and bars I’ve been to here in Melbourne. Most clubs here inhabit old buildings and generally get way too crowded. I don’t think I have much to worry about seeing as I don’t tend to see bands that let off pyrotechnics very often.

Also it’s that beautiful time of year when AFL and cricket overlap and I can’t decide what to do with myself. Mmmm! (Richmond got thoroughly pooped on)

way back when

After many moons of not running Internet Exploder (Mozilla being my browser of choice), I finally fired it up to look at a few websites I’d saved as favorites (no u) and hadn’t looked at for a while. Tubagooba.com was a regular haunt and I was disappointed to see that the blog had folded. It’s still worth a read though as there is one final entry remaining. It’s dated 13th of September 2001.

Now here’s a sight many people in Melbourne haven’t seen for a fair while. Rain showing up on the weather radar. It just pissed down a moment ago and I made sure I went and danced around with my mouth open, head pointed at the orange, sodium lit clouds. Ahh, city living.

Rain seems to be saving the Dutch from too much embarrassment in the World Cup at this point in time as well. I’m trying to think up a good joke about the Dutch cricket side without mentioning the word “dyke” but can’t come up with anything. Damnation!

Einstein seems to have been right again. Smartarse!