Archive for March, 2005

Mothership control in readiness

I’ve been looking through the referrer logs again and have found some pretty fucking cool search requests. So as not to disappoint my potential readers, I will supply some of the results they were after.

For the person who arrived at this blog searching for a BEER SANDWICH, here it is.

For the person who arrived here looking for the BEST POLITICAL GRAFFITI 2005, here it is.

For the person who came here looking for HOMEMADE EXPLOSIVES, here they are.

I must point out that in the above photo, beer was still present in the bottle so there was absolutely no chance of an explosion on my kitchen sink. I must also point out that the Brisbane Lions stubbie holder in the photo is not mine. It belongs to my wife. The fact that she barracks for the Lions is the greatest danger to or marriage breaking up. In the first photo the little black specks underneath the ‘beer sandwich’ are not pieces of mouse poo on the breadboard. They are, in fact, poppy seeds. We buy multigrain breads with poppy seeds on the crust. I understand that poppy seeds are illegal in Queensland. This photo was taken in Melbourne, Victoria so the Queensland Police Special Branch need not get upset about this photo. I have to add that the substance that is burning in the beer bottle in the last photo is actually toilet paper. After I took the photo I extinguished the paper (so I thought) in the sink and them threw the paper in the bin. My bin caught fire. Now my kitchen stinks of burnt plastic.

In other news, you can’t get much Aussier than Momo.

Footprint.

I wrote a short message to Jade Walker of blogofdeath.com fame. I requested that she write an orbituary for Paul Hester, and much to my surprise, she did.

Feel free leave a tribute on Hessie’s orbituary. I like the idea of her blog. I found it one night many months ago and looked through scores of orbituaries. Chances are that not many of us will make a mark deep enough on this world to score a mention anywhere upon our deaths (not that it’s important if we do or not). Moments before your own death you may think you’ve done little to change anything on this stinky little planet, but every one of us has changed the world that one little bit. Hessie did.

Pauly boy.

I just found out via Graham that Paul Hester killed himself yesterday.

Not good. I didn’t need to hear that news.

Bounce.

If you run Wordpress, give Referrer Bouncer a whirl. It does what the name suggests. Spaminator does an excellent job as well.

Crappidy crap.

I’ve lost a few days worth of entries. Some sort of server problems, I dunno. Whatever. As one of my Indian mates says, “No backup, no complain.” Furrrhhh!

Update: Google’s cache saved me. Maaaaarvellous.

I’m not too concerned as I did make a pretty slanderous comment about Tony Abbott and his sexual habits and was getting a fair whack of hate email about it. I had a look at Monsieur Blair’s website (he’s got his own domain now! Rupert must’ve paid him), but couldn’t find any mention of me on there. I suspected I might have been mentioned on his site because most the emails were of the same mental level as most of the comments on his site. And those retards who regularly comment on his site just hate anybody that daddy hates, you know what I mean. The talkback mentality.

ps. Tony Abbott stirs custard.

You drive like c%nt.

Last Sunday night I went to the Tote and soaked up each distorted decibel of Digger and the Pussycats and imbibed many a beer to The Sailors. If any two bands can give me a better night out than these two…well, I’ll be fucked. My ears are only just recovering from the sheer volume and my body is just getting over the hangover from a grand night out, 4 days ago. I’m getting old, but the quality of the music in this town isn’t getting any more old fashioned. If you have to see ONE more LIVE band before you cark it, make sure it’s Digger and the Pussycats for fuck’s sake. Mp3s here.

Tiger in the tank.

T’was a bit hot for footy today (33º) but I went along anyway to Princes Park to see Richmond take on Brisbane in a practice match this arvo. The best thing about the game was the walk to the ground. It was a pretty piss poor game, which wasn’t too disappointing as it was ONLY a practice match. I thought it was piss poor because Brisbane were just farting around, not even trying. For god’s sake, each player might as well have brought their pet dog down to Melbourne with them and chucked the ball/stick to Fido in between attempts at goal and tackling. Still, Richmond won. That was great as I haven’t seen them win in person since May last year. That’s a long wait.

It’s all in the name.

The first new car I ever remember jumping into was my Dad’s brand spankin’ XC Falcon company car. He worked for a concrete company called Farley & Lewers at the time. Ahh, 1978. I was in my first year of school at the time, but never got a ride to school in the XC. That was probably because we lived 30 metres from the front gate of the school and it would’ve looked stupid for me to get dropped off.

Dad went through a procession of company cars over the years. None of them had any character. Probably because Dad sat in them all day, farting and swearing while he was trying to get people to buy his company’s products. Being a sales rep. must’ve been hard in those pre-mobile phone days.

In early March, 1983, Dad bought a car for my Mum to bash about in. It was a Gemini SL/X - and our family’s first family car. My parents held a naming ceremony and christened the Gemini as BOB, after Bob Hawke winning the federal election in March 1983. Dad eventually quit his job in with the concrete mob in 1985 and had to buy a second family car. Not having much dough, he settled with a third-hand 1975 Mitsubishi Gallant. In honour of the great man, Dad named the car GOUGH.

The family tradition has continued. My wife’s second hand 1991 Toyota is called PAUL, my 1994 work van is called PAUL as well, and my parents have finally bought a new car in the last few months. However, they have refused to call it JOHN. The naming ceremony has been delayed until mid 2007. Hopefully earlier.<

05/03/05

Ridgway Place, Melbourne (off Little Collins St. - rear wall of The Melbourne Club)